Demons

Plod.

Plod.

Plod.

Plod.

The humidity sucks the strength out of my body.  The miasma of heat and moisture hits me as I open my door and promises a miserable workout.  My legs are like two ingots of pig iron this morning and I can barely lift them anymore.  I don’t think that I’m making any progress in my fitness regimen or even in my life.

Over four years now and although I made progress at first I don’t see anymore improvement.  It’s not just my fitness but my entire life seems to be at a standstill or worse it seems to be regressing.  Things are hard.  I should just quit and give up.

[begin internal dialogue

so that’s it, is it?

Okay.  Slow down, stop, and start walking back home. It’s only a couple of miles and you can get there walking in an hour or so.

You gave it your miserable best and it wasn’t good enough.  Everyone knew it wouldn’t be. You knew it wouldn’t be.  No one will blame you.  They never expected much out of you anyways.  All those things that you think people whisper about you behind your back?  That you’re fat, you’re ugly, you’re talentless, you’re worthless.  They’re all true, aren’t they?

You told yourself long ago that eventually you’d quit.  You never had it in you to succeed and you never will.  All those plans and ideas you had were pointless fantasies.

Better to have tried and lost and all that nonsense, right?

All those people around you that succeed, that are living their dreams, that actually do something.  They’re just better than you are.

No one is going to fault you for quitting.  You won’t let them.  You’ll cocoon yourself away in a digital shell in your room for the rest of your miserable life and die alone one day and life will be better for everyone else.

Don’t even think about trying anymore.  Continuing on is pointless.  When you try there will always be pain, there will always be struggle, there will always be exhaustion. 

It. Does. Not. End.

So quit now.  You’re not making any progress.  You’re just wasting everyone’s time.  Just stop plodding along like a fool.   

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Plod.

Plod.

Plod.

Plod.