The spat

Things aren’t always going to go well in your life and relationships.  Whether it’s friends, family, or even significant others, from time to time you will disagree with people in your life.  Sometimes it will be a small difference of opinion and sometimes it will be as though you never really knew this person.  How you handle it depends on the other person but it also depends on you.  Is it a matter that you are willing to lose a relationship over or is it something where compromise can be reached?

Firstly define the parameters of the disagreement.  Is this something close to your heart or to theirs?  Ask some unobtrusive and non-committal questions about the subject.  Try not to come down for or against the subject.

Let’s assume that it’s a minor topic to both of you.  Is there a possibility of just letting this lie?  Is it really worth the trouble to “iron out”  If it’s a small matter it is usually best to let this alone and sit in the background.  We are all entitled to our own opinions after all.

If it is something close to their heart, is it something that you can skirt around or something that doesn’t affect your interaction with them?  One thing to understand is that this other person has a different life experience than your own.  For whatever reason this topic is important to that person.  Maybe if they explained it to you, you would come to see it in a different light.

If it is something close to your heart then the advice is reversed.  Try to explain your position to them and see if you can bridge the gap.  Let them know why you feel the way you do.  Maybe you will convert them to your point of view, maybe not.

Now comes the hard part.  Something important to both of you where you hold polar opposite views.  This is where family fights begin, friends are lost, and relationships are sundered.  Here you must remember why you like this person in the first place.  Neither side is likely to change their views but the effort must be made.

The two important things to remember is that there is a reason why the other person holds the opinion that they do and that you like interacting with this person for some reason.  Maybe the reason that they hold these views on this topic are not a good reasons, maybe they are.  You need to find out those reasons.  Closing your mind and not attempting to understand will not make things better.  Reaching out and communicating is the best course of action.

Remember, not everything will run smoothly all the time.  Differences of opinion exist in all relationships.  But I think it’s these differences that make relationships special and unique.

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