Category Archives: Talking

find the real truth

August 30, 2015 6:18 AM , Leave a Comment ,

“Of each particular thing ask: what is it in itself? What is its nature?”

Not just a quote from Hannibal Lecter and Markus Aurelius but a useful tidbit of advice.  I think it’s the one question that all college professors should strive to implant into their students minds.  Unfortunately in today’s career driven college environment it’s often overlooked and passed by in order to instill “useful” lessons and information into a student’s mind.

Something that I see at work, in my off time and in my interactions on a daily basis is that people can identify the end goal and what they want but not how to get there or even where to begin.

At work I see clients who want to find gold, or oil, or manage forests or farms using satellite imagery.  A good solid goal.  But then you ask them how are they going to use the satellite imagery to do that and they get a blank look on their faces.  When you ask them if they even know what information a satellite image can provide and how that can be leveraged to get to their goal and then they really get bewildered.

I’ve had acquaintances ask me if an adjustable rate mortgage would be a good option to buy a house.  I ask them if they know the initial interest rate would be and how it will adjust over time and how much are they putting down and what are the other terms of the loan and they get a confused and persecuted look in their eyes.

I understand that you want a house but shouldn’t you make an effort to understand the loan that you will be dealing with for the next 15 to 30 years?

Goals are fine.  Goals are great.  They give us a direction to go and something to shoot for.  But before we get there shouldn’t we know something about the road that we’re traveling on?

 

Posted in: habits, ideas, life in general, talking

The spat

February 20, 2014 6:25 AM , 2 Comments ,

Things aren’t always going to go well in your life and relationships.  Whether it’s friends, family, or even significant others, from time to time you will disagree with people in your life.  Sometimes it will be a small difference of opinion and sometimes it will be as though you never really knew this person.  How you handle it depends on the other person but it also depends on you.  Is it a matter that you are willing to lose a relationship over or is it something where compromise can be reached?

Firstly define the parameters of the disagreement.  Is this something close to your heart or to theirs?  Ask some unobtrusive and non-committal questions about the subject.  Try not to come down for or against the subject.

Let’s assume that it’s a minor topic to both of you.  Is there a possibility of just letting this lie?  Is it really worth the trouble to “iron out”  If it’s a small matter it is usually best to let this alone and sit in the background.  We are all entitled to our own opinions after all.

If it is something close to their heart, is it something that you can skirt around or something that doesn’t affect your interaction with them?  One thing to understand is that this other person has a different life experience than your own.  For whatever reason this topic is important to that person.  Maybe if they explained it to you, you would come to see it in a different light.

If it is something close to your heart then the advice is reversed.  Try to explain your position to them and see if you can bridge the gap.  Let them know why you feel the way you do.  Maybe you will convert them to your point of view, maybe not.

Now comes the hard part.  Something important to both of you where you hold polar opposite views.  This is where family fights begin, friends are lost, and relationships are sundered.  Here you must remember why you like this person in the first place.  Neither side is likely to change their views but the effort must be made.

The two important things to remember is that there is a reason why the other person holds the opinion that they do and that you like interacting with this person for some reason.  Maybe the reason that they hold these views on this topic are not a good reasons, maybe they are.  You need to find out those reasons.  Closing your mind and not attempting to understand will not make things better.  Reaching out and communicating is the best course of action.

Remember, not everything will run smoothly all the time.  Differences of opinion exist in all relationships.  But I think it’s these differences that make relationships special and unique.

Posted in: friends, life in general, relationships, talking

Creatives

November 20, 2013 8:49 PM , 2 Comments ,

I’ve been on a bit of a culture kick this year.

Going to art galleries, live theater, listening to new types of music, going to book readings and just really getting to know more about this world.

It’s not just the art work that draws me in but the people who created the works themselves.  I find it fascinating to learn about these creative people and how they came up with their ideas.  Mostly I love to hear about how they decided to share those gifts one day with the public and tell everyone ” Here I am!”

I can’t even fathom how that works.  To take something that was so private and so innate to yourself and think “yes, this is great and I must share it”.  I don’t know if I could do that.  So naturally I look up to artists.

I am also amazed at their levels of talent.  When you think of the amount of time and dedication put into these art works.

Simply amazing!

Posted in: art, ideas, talking, thought

Public speaking and rhetoric

September 3, 2013 6:09 PM , Leave a Comment ,

Public speaking has always been a bane to me.  I found out way back when in 6th grade.  We were all required to take a semester of speech communications and I knew that I would never make a good speaker.  I can’t keep the audience interested let alone persuade them to come over to my point of view.  I do so much better through the written word as far as persuasion goes.

My theory is that it has something to do with my voice.  Maybe the pitch, the tone, maybe I need to sound more assertive or confident.  Possibly explains why I get shot down so much when asking for dates.

Another possibility that I have been exploring lately is the role of body language plays when speakers engage a person one on one or speak to a group.

Look at the following YouTube clip with the sound off.

speaking example

Notice the way the people in the video pose, the expressions on their faces, the attitude that they present.  They are interesting without the sound.  They tend to draw the audience in to whatever they’re doing.

So many times when a speaker gets behind the lectern they turn into speaking statues.  They might as well turn on a tape recording of their voice and just leave the stage.  Obviously you can go overboard doing this but a lack of body language is often one of the biggest sins out there.

Not knowing your subject and not practicing are other sins.  I can tell you from experience that not practicing a speech before you need to deliver that speech is deadly.  So is not properly developing and thinking out a speech.  It’s no sin to make a speech too short but it really is a sin to make a speech way too long and leaving some glaring error in the speech because you didn’t research the subject enough.

Lastly, know your audience.  Know what they may be interested in hearing, know what they don’t want to hear about.  When you know a little something about how your audience is apt to respond you can craft a more effective message.

motivating a crowd

In this example the speaker slowly warms to his subject by stating the obvious problem.  He speaks softly encouraging the audience to scoot up to listen.  He relates his own frustration with the problem and shares his own deficiencies.

Almost imperceptibly he starts to turn the crowd over to his views of the problem.  He very softly introduces his solution to the problem and begins to build on it.  As he does the crowd reaction grows and encourages him.  His volume starts increasing and he loses the meekness in his voice.  He is now almost commanding because the crowd allows him to.  He finishes by asking the audience “what are you going to do?”  This allows him to command the listeners with their willing assent.

Speaking has so many nuances and little tricks that it would be impossible to learn them all.  The best we can do is to study up on the subject and find a style that best suits us.  Something that you find comfortable and builds on your strengths and masks your weaknesses.  You will find it a useful tool in so many different parts of your life.

Posted in: business, language, talking

cross-pollination

May 20, 2013 1:16 AM , 1 Comment ,

Earlier this year I was driving around running some errands and I had the car radio tuned to NPR.  A lecture had just begun.  I was just about to my destination but I kept on driving because the topic was so interesting.  I soon put on another 20 miles aimlessly driving around and listening to the lecture for the next hour.

Mainly it dealt with the rise of the modern age and how it been so shocking when it arrived in 1913.

One of the topics covered in the lecture was the cross-pollination of many different fields and how they inspired or altered one another to create new ideas and new concepts.

Artists read evolutionary theory and it inspired them to try out different styles of painting, music, and dance.  Doctors looked at the art and started thinking about mental illness and conditions in a different ways.  Scientists consulting artists and vice versa.  Architects, engineers, political theorists.  So many different fields intersecting, altering, and redefining themselves.

Now I look at our contemporary world (saying modern world would not be technically correct).  We have got to be the most interconnected people in history.  Yet we do so little with it.  Sure there are online groups for everything and anything you care to mention but they’re so insular sometimes.  They have their own rules, their own interests, own languages and coming in as an outsider is not always easy.

TED talks you say?  The TED talks are a series of global conferences that attempt to bring attention to new ideas and provide a platform for people with new ideas to spread those ideas.  If you have a day or two to spare, look them up on YouTube.

It’s a noble effort but I have seen in the last years that the TED talks are moving in the direction of becoming merely entertainment opportunities for the geeky.

Real cross-pollination happens when people from diverse disciplines come together without expectations, without agendas, and with an open mind ready to listen to one another.

An evening spent in a cafe just talking.  Gathering round a fireplace and chatting with friends with a cup of tea.  Being in the backyard with a couple cold ones and letting the late afternoon turn to early evening.

Food and beverage seem to play a role in the creative process.  As I recall Compaq computers was founded by two engineers sitting down at the House of Pies

Perhaps it’s because the activity of sharing a meal or a drink makes the mind a little more relaxed and receptive.  You may think to yourself that no matter what else happens you will at least get some food or drink out of the process.

I try to keep up with people from different walks of life.  From different perspectives.  Sometimes I don’t like what I hear, many times I don’t understand.  But I am always willing to listen

Posted in: food and drink, internet, talking, technology